Robocop Does Exercise

Posted on October 24, 2012 by Dubai Mum

Today, I started back at my exercise regime.  I do not care to admit how long it has been since I last sweated intentionally.  Let’s just focus on the fact that I have stretched my big toe onto the exercise bandwagon, and hope it hasn’t suffered a strain on its way there!  There is a long way to go yet to reach the level of fitness I had achieved over the summer.  And, boy did I feel that every second of the way this afternoon!

When I exercise DH jokes I look more like Robocop about to do battle with all that is evil.  Indeed, that might be a smidgen easier than my flailing attempt to match the agile/hopping/bouncy/bendy blonde (usually a blonde!) DVD instructor.  My workout gear is not complete without heavy, blue supports on both knees, and a non-matching black/grey wrist support (I blame texting – I think I have RSI!).  To crown it all, I insist on my my thick, towelling headband – again, not matching!  The attire alone restricts my ability to move with ease and grace.  That’s where the similarities with Robocop end.

I wish I were Robocop.  If I were, I would not struggle through the workouts.  Superheroes do not struggle through anything (apart from Algebra, Calculus and Applied Maths).  If I were a superhero I would not struggle through workouts feeling like my lungs might explode at any minute, or fret that my sweat glands may not be able to keep up, and I will be the first known case of sweat combustion!

OMG, it was so hard I wanted to give up after the warm up; in fact, I wanted to give up during the warm up!  As I watched the bouncy blonde bounce around the place without an obvious need to breathe, and still able to belt out motivational instructions,  I just wanted to press the ‘stop’ button.

But, I couldn’t.  And you wouldn’t if you could muster up the energy/enthusiasm/desire…(take your pick) to press ‘play’ on this DVD in the first place!  Stopping is never a good idea.  To stop means defeat.  Besides, I didn’t even have the energy to press ‘stop’.  My muscles were  focusing so hard on trying not to seize up and strangle the blood supply to my heart, I couldn’t think about pressing ‘stop’.

Dripping with sweat, puffing and panting, unable to re-hydrate quickly enough, I shuffled out of my exercise room once I had finished.  I swear I could feel the muscle soreness kicking in by the time I got to the shower.  But despite all the inelegance that is me working out, the endorphin release had already started to gear me up for the next session.  Bring it on!

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Footballer in the Family?

Posted on October 14, 2012 by Dubai Mum

Once I collect all 3 from their classrooms we make our sweaty way to the car.  This means passing through the playground and the newly astro turfed mini football pitch before the school gates.  The kids have a tendency to dump their bags at my feet and make a beeline for the football pitch.  By the time I straggle to the mini pitch they seem to be in the throes of a very exciting shoot out!

In the past few weeks I have noticed a Dad on pick up duty who joins in the football ‘match’ with the kids.  Until today, I have dreaded seeing him there.  The only reason being because when he is there playing football with the kids, egging them on, encouraging them in this beautiful game, it means I am left on the sidelines, weighed down by what feels like a gazillion bags (honestly, they have fewer bags travelling home in the summer), and slowly expiring in the autumnal temperatures of nearly 40 degrees.

Today however, I got chatting as all 3 were playing football.  I hadn’t intended to stop and chat, but I could not avoid it.  As the faces of the footballing kids turned pinkish, I began to make the ‘I’m going now kids’ noises.  Before I could round up all 3, the ‘goalkeeping’ dad came to me.

Pointing to DS2 he asked me ‘Is this your son?’

‘Yes’, I answered defensively, wondering where this questioning was going.

‘Please, please, make sure he gets football training.  He is very talented.  He is a very good player’.

DH and I had already acknowledged that DS2 was quite good at football.  Outside of his school uniform, he lives in football kits, plays football outside as often as he can, and when he can’t, kicks the ball incessantly (and much to my annoyance) against the wall of the playroom.  During his ‘downtime’, he  forces the rest of the family to endure every football game on TV….live or repeat, irrespective of the league or the language of the commentary.

I think it is safe to say he is hooked.

The lovely security guard blew his whistle.  Time’s up.  Everyone out.

As my 3 ran towards me, the lovely football Dad was still there imploring me to enrol DS2 in a football club.  He mentioned he was a former pro footballer in his home country.  He told me he was qualified to recognise talent from an early age and could see  professional potential in kids, and DS2 has it.

I was bursting with pride.  I rang DH as soon as I could.  We will definitely be putting more thought and effort into encouraging him (not that he needs it right now!) to play.

Later this afternoon, I asked DS2 what he would like to be when he grows up.

Answer: Karate person.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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A Beautiful Thing

Posted on October 13, 2012 by Dubai Mum

happened last night.  At bedtime, DS1 insisted on reading DS2’s bedtime story.  At first DS2 looked on with suspicion.

Whine, whinge, moan….until…..

He heard DS1 starting to read.   Full of expression and pride, DS1 continued with the 123 book.  By page 2 DS2 was hooked and joining in.

My beautiful boys sharing a beautiful moment of brotherhood.  They had forgotten I was in the room.

I tipee toed out of the bedroom leaving my boo boos to get on with it.

Outside the bedroom door, I almost burst with happiness.   But the golden moment was tinged with a little sadness at their independence….

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Dummies’ Guide to Spanx

Posted on October 13, 2012 by Dubai Mum

So, went along to the Black Tie gala dinner.  It was a great night out.  The spanx remained intact…just.  Still not the ‘red carpet’ effect….but could still go to the loo without whipping out the Swiss Army Knife!

3 glasses of wine

1 glass of champers

3 glasses of water

Home by 11:30pm.

The answer to Spanx de-robing…..roll downwards and not upwards.  That way, you are more likely to survive this miracle!

 
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Homework

Posted on October 13, 2012 by Dubai Mum

and I’m talking about mine…not the kids’!

DD has just had her assembly.  For that big day, parents were expected to practise their lines with them.  Done.   Not easy, but done.  The end result was fabulous.

Next week DS1 has his assembly….fine.  I can deal with reciting the lines, practising intonation, choosing a topic appropriate t-shirt…..

BUT DS1’s assembly day coincides with Eco-day at the school.  As a former practising environmental lawyer, I fully support anything that teaches our kids about being conscious of the fragility of the environment in which we live.  However, when I am given a week’s notice to design and make 2 eco-friendly outfits to be runway ready for a parents’ show, I get a tad cranky.  How am I going to cobble together a bunch of crap from a bunch of crap?????

When I think about how non-creative I am…I get even more cranky.  Why do schools do this to parents????  It does not matter how much time I might spend on this, I can hardly come up with an idea let alone a passable sartorial creation.  I express my concerns to DH.  He shrugs his shoulders, raises his eyes and everything else towards the skies…….and mumbles something about focusing on the basics of the 3 Rs.  Agreeing with DH, I slumped off…..knowing that principles would not win out on this one….I was going to have to design something.

How can I let DD and DS1 go to school with nothing????  They would be singled out by the teachers and other kids for not participating.  In fact, they would single themselves out and come home wondering why I had not helped them to create a meringue dress/tux out of plastic bags from the local supermarket.

Tonight, DD dumped the contents of the recycling bag on the floor.  Looking at our booty we ‘hmmmed and hawwwed’.  Hmmm, what could we make?

We made a start with an Hawaiian type skirt from wholemeal spaghetti boxes.  We plan on a  matching hula type hat.  DS1 got into it and decided he wanted a helmet.  The best I could do was a baseball type hat with the peak covered in foil……

We’re getting there….and the kids are enjoying it…so from now on I will embrace my homework with vigour!

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Black Tie Anyone?

Posted on October 10, 2012 by Dubai Mum

On Tuesday evening I received an email from one of my bosses asking me, well, more like telling me….to attend a gala dinner on the Thursday (yes…the Thursday that fell 2 days later, not the one 9 days later!)…..’I think it would be really good if you could come along.’  Hmmmmm……only a man would give a woman 48 hours notice for a black tie event.

Men just don’t get it.  ‘I have nothing to wear’ was all I could think.  ‘I need more time’ to prepare for something like this.

When I expressed this concern to DH, he responded with his standard reply, and without diverting his gaze from the sports commentary he was reading on the internet said, ‘You always say that.’

Only because it’s true I answered in my head.  In less than an hour, I was regretting my decision to attend.   I have nothing to wear, and no time to go shopping.  I was (and am) sure the event will be attended by model-esque looking clothes’ horses wearing the latest Autumn designs, dripping in expensive jewellery and vertigo-inducing, red soled shoes.  After all, this is Dubai; more often than not, the walk to the classroom from the car park resembles a catwalk.

Since the arrival of the first of my bambinos 7 years ago, black tie events and the like have not factored in my life as a Mum.  Not that I was a regular glamorous party-goer before the arrival of the family, but at least I would have had the time to shop for something suitable, and more importantly, had more of a clue of what to wear.

My plan, i.e., the only viable plan, was to stop off at the shops after the school pick up the following day, whizz around a couple of stores, and if I didn’t find anything, I would wear the black dress I bought the last time I had nothing to wear!  Not the easiest plan to execute with 3 tired, post-school, shopping-hating kiddies in tow.  But what choice did I have?  To make the shopping trip less  painful for them (there was no hope for me!) I bribed them with sugar!

I know it’s October and summer hols are long gone.  For some reason my brain and tummy do not want to accept this fact, as they continue the holiday food binge.  Exercise has taken more than a back seat…it’s trailing behind the car on a very, very long piece of string, like battered, old cans bouncing behind the car of the newlyweds who married 2 years previously.  Looking and feeling like the one who had eaten all the sugar treats, I lwhizzed around one store, picked up a few dresses and tried them on.  Mental note: changing rooms are not designed for 4……As pretty as some of them were, I couldn’t justify the price tag for one event, especially as I know I will embark on an exercise routine which would mean the dress would need to be altered for the next event…..well, I can dream!

I left the store with a pair of AED90 silver dress heels…..the kind that will cripple me with every step I take, and a Spanx slip which I am sure will cripple me everywhere else……Forget breezy elegance tomorrow night; enter rusty, robot walk.  Mental note: bring flip flops as a change of footwear.

When I got home, I tried on both shoes…tight, uncomfortable and guaranteed to give me corns; tick the ‘Night Out’ box!  As for the Spanx….I have heard soooo many great things about this wonder undergarment.  As I eagerly tried to pull it over my head, I realised I may need the help of a 2nd party (adult one at that!).  Now, DH was not around and there was no one else in the house to help.  I twisted, squirmed, tugged, pulled and am sure I heard the sound of stitching rip……Finally, sweat dripping, tummy pulled in, boobs pushed out, I observed my slightly less bumpy outline in the mirror.

If I am being honest, I was disappointed….I thought Spanx promised the ‘red carpet’ effect.  That is, I wear it and I look like Catherine Zeta-Jones, Salma Hayek, Blake Lively, take your pick……transformed, perfect, fresh.  Far from it.

Disgruntled, I wanted to rid myself of this 21st Century contraption immediately.  Peeling it upwards from the hem, I managed to get it to my head.  But then I got stuck.  Did I mention I am claustrophobic?  Edging the clingy lycra closer to my face, I sensed my life flash before my eyes.  I couldn’t breathe.  Feeling smothered, I panicked.  Man, this lycra stuff is sttrrooonnng.  I battled against it.  It fought back vigourously.  I was defenceless.  I twisted, turned, contorted.  I thought I had lost.  Spurred on by the thought of my death cert reading ‘spanx suffocation’, I gave it one last  ‘push’.  Thankfully,  it flipped off my head and landed inelegantly at my feet.  Seriously, childbirth was a doddle comparatively!

‘In your face’ I spat.

Seriously, going to the gym more frequently and eating 3 healthy meals a day (none of which should include choc or vino), is a much more attractive option to getting into, and looking perfect in that little black dress with the assistance of Spanx!

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Birthday Gifts

Posted on October 9, 2012 by Dubai Mum

Since the start of school  there has been at least one birthday party a week.  Throw a few playdates on top and I think I might need to consider employing a social secretary for the kids! Any more parties, and I might have to consider re-mortgaging the house!  On a serious note though, to keep track I have had to diarise the dates and venues, and set alarm reminders to go gift shopping, as well as remember to remind DH of his post-work-party-pick-up responsibilities. I completely empathise with one Mum who recently turned up at the wrong venue and wondered if no one had told her the party had been cancelled!

And, even though I have boy/girl twins and have a very good understanding of what 7 year boys and girls old like, I still find it tricky trying to find the right gift for the guest of honour.  When we first started going to birthday parties, I tried to set a budget of AED50 but, due to inflation, that was quickly doubled.  Somehow the birthday party industry has not heard of the world financial crisis……Do you know how hard it is to find something more interesting/bigger/fun than a yoyo for AED50???  Even now, AED100 is not much as all the potentially ‘decent’ gifts are nudging AED150….However, for best friends (which seem to change every week!), we try to make a special effort.

So, for last weekend’s party which DD attended, she asked her friend what she liked.  ‘Moshi Monsters’ was the response…though I have learned to question the veracity of these conveyed responses.  Somehow the requested gift always seems to mirror exactly what DD or DS loves at that particular moment in time.  Anyhoo, for this special friend, DD chose a number of Moshi Monster products.  DD insisted on wrapping the gift herself.  The gift wrap was pretty; small white hearts on a lilac background.

Party day – DD eagerly ran to her friend. She thrust the, by now ‘tired looking’, gift wrapped gift on her friend. Honestly, the paper was so crumpled, it looked like it had been recycled…..at least 5 times!

Shortly after DD handed over her gift, another friend came along to hand over her gift which was beautifully hidden in an untouched, non-creased, elegant Juicy Couture gift bag.  To think I thought I had pushed out the boat on this gift………

 

 

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Houdini

Posted on October 5, 2012 by Dubai Mum

The weekend started like any other weekend, racous, loud and too early!  Nothing unusual there then for a Friday morning!  After tearing around the house (the kids, that is) for a few hours we left to run our errands, arriving back just after lunchtime.

We had eaten but, DH needed to feed the pet terrapin, Soni.  He approached the tupperware terrapin ‘tank’.

BUT….the tank was empty…well, apart from the plastic foliage and ornamental pirates’s cannon…., and of course, some poop!  OMG….he did a runner.  The devious little so and so waited till we left and then did a runner…..He was nowhere obvious to be seen.

‘Did you see him this morning?’ I asked sceptically.

‘Yes, I fed him this morning.  Well, DS2 did.  We brought him to the lower level of the worksurface and DS2 gave him tuna’ DH assured me confidently.

‘But his ‘tank’ is still on the lower surface’ I commented.  ‘But,  how the h*ll did he climb out over the 6cm side wall of the ‘tank’?’ I asked incredulously.

Images of  him crawling about on the floor, hiding under sofas, behind curtains, flashed through my mind.

‘Seriously, how far can a terrapin go once it escapes?’ asked DH laughing, nervously.

I pushed the thought of having to explain another pet death to the kids to the back of my head.  Anyway, I thought, if there’s any explaining to do, it won’t be me doing it.  DH was the one to leave Soni perched perilously on the kitchen worksurface, 3 feet from the cold, creamy, ceramic tiled floor.  Can terrapin shells be mended with band aids, I wondered?????

‘Aha’ cried Daddy.  ‘Found you Soni.  Where did you think you were off to?’ he asked picking him up and plonking him back in his watery home.

Soni was found hiding behind the kettle, about 20cm from his home….DH was right.  How far can a terrapin get?

All I could think was how clever Soni was to avoid the 90cm drop to the floor, preferring to stay on the black/silvery granite work surface which camouflaged him so well.

Once he was returned to his ‘proper’ place, it dawned on me why he missed it.  The sun was pouring through the window and he stretched his neck to greet it.  By making his way in the direction of the kettle, I guess he was trying to make his way to the sun.

I swear I saw him smile a contented grin when he was back in his tupperware habitat!

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Bieber Fever

Posted on October 3, 2012 by Dubai Mum

Well…the big news in the Middle East in the past few weeks has centred on Justin Bieber’s concert in Dubai next May!  When Virgin radio announced they were bringing the teen heartthrob to Dubai, the calls of ecstatic (mainly) school girls flooded in.  There were tears of joy, silent sobs, screams of ecstasy; all were overwhelmed and mega (does that word show my age?) excited. WOW….that’s all I can say, ‘WOW’.

In my day, teens were often described as greasy haired, pimple faced, scrawny creatures; full of hormonal angst and insecurity.  Today, teens are Justin Bieber; coiffed, porcelain faced, scrawny creatures; full of confidence and a certain amount of teen sex appeal.

I am glad DD is not old enough to care much for JB and, I dread the time she is the one sobbing, screaming down Virgin radio’s phone over the JB equivalent for her time!

When I mentioned my dread to one of my colleagues he laughed, and said, ‘JB is not all bad…just wait till your DD refuses to dress in any other colour other than black, dyes her fair hair black, paints her face white and her eyes black…….if I were you, that’s what I would dread more!’

So true…..JB is looking more and more like the kind of boy every Mum would like her daughter to bring home!

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Dinner Menu Boredom

Posted on October 1, 2012 by Dubai Mum

A hungry DH arrived through the door tonight, salivating, thinking about a scrumptious, hearty meal that he hoped awaited him. All I can say is, he was probably smelling the aroma of next door’s cooking on his way up the drive!

He married me knowing full well I am no ‘Nigella’ in the kitchen.  I like to eat but, spending an hour in the kitchen preparing a meal which will be domolished in under ten minutes, slobbered all over my kids’ faces, and of which a lot will end up on the floor, I am just not into that.

When he opened the door, sniffed the air, his immediate thought was ‘oh, spag bol again‘.  I am surprised he didn’t turn round, walk back out and go to London Fish and Chips.

The disappointment was so strong, my generally diplomatic, even tempered hubby could not gag his gob, and just came right out with it.

‘I am tired of the dinner menus.  It’s the same stuff every week.  I was looking forward to dinner but now am just getting bored.’

Good thing I am not overly sensitive (well not about cooking anyway)!

‘You like spag bol….What meal don’t you like?’ I asked a tincey, wincey bit defensively.

In my defence I try to balance out the meals having chicken, red meat, fish each week, all of which are accompanied by vegetables, rice, potatoes or wholewheat pasta.

‘I am not a fan of the fish or the chicken in red sauce dish’ he responded with the face of a 4 year old being forced to eat spinach.  (Note: he will eat London Fish and Chips which is deep fat fried in batter…..my fish isn’t!)

I can’t even blame this on my helper.  She may do the cooking but, I am responsible for the meal plan!

The thing is…..I completely understand why DH finds the lack of nutritious variety tedious.  But, it’s so hard to get kids, well, my kids, to eat anything apart from those dishes.  At the end of the day, all I care about is making sure they eat substantive, healthy meals.  As a mum of twins who were generally very picky eaters (and who usually ended up with the food thrown at her), I latch onto anything that goes down well!

Catering to DH’s demanding tastebuds would require cooking extra meals.  This eats into homework, afterschool activities, the every-other-day dash to Spinneys to replenish the milk and fruit supplies, and the 5 minutes I have for a cuppa.

I don’t really see a change in the menu for a while yet…….

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